The term gaslighting has been a buzzword over the last few years due to a spotlight on social issues like โfake newsโ and widespread misinformation. In 2022, gaslighting was dubbed Merriam Websterโs โword of the yearโ after searches on its website spiked by 1,740%.
But what exactly is gaslighting, and how does it relate to mental health? This article covers signs of gaslighting, common gaslighting examples, and ways to deal with mistreatment.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that hinges on creating self-doubt. When someone is being gaslit, they are made to think that their beliefs and perception of reality are untrue.
Those who are being gaslit feel like what theyโre experiencing isnโt real or valid, which can impact their self-esteem and self-confidence. Victims of gaslighting are often manipulated into going against their reasoning and emotions and may become dependent on the person who is doing the gaslighting.
Signs of Gaslighting
If you feel like your emotions and experiences are being undermined, you may be a victim of gaslighting. Someone who is gaslighting might:
- Try to convince you that you said or did something you know you didnโt do
- Insist that youโre crazy or irrational when you share your concerns
- Twist your words to redirect blame
- Tell you that youโre exaggerating
- Make you feel at fault for sharing the facts
- Leave you feeling confused and powerless after a conversation
If youโre being gaslit, you may feel a constant urge to apologize, feel nervous or anxious, or question your identity.
Gaslighting Examples
While the concept of gaslighting is consistent across relationships, it may look different in various contexts. Here are a few examples of gaslighting in different environments.
At Work
Gaslighting at work may look like:
- A boss calling you overly sensitive for reporting inappropriate remarks by a coworker
- A colleague taking over your responsibilities or projects under the excuse that their job is to help you
- Being accused of making a mistake you didnโt make
- Turning in an assignment on time only for your manager to accuse you of never sending it
- A leader who sets clear rules about tardiness but then shows up late every day
In Romantic Relationships
Gaslighting in a romantic relationship, such as a marriage or domestic partnership, may look like:
- Your partner refusing to listen or pretending they donโt understand you
- Having your thoughts or memories questioned
- Your partner minimizing your feelings
- Denial that certain situations or conversations took place
At the Doctorโs Office
Gaslighting isnโt restricted to our personal relationships or people we know well. It can also come from situations with a perceived division of power, such as between a patient and a medical professional.
Gaslighting at the doctorโs office may look like your provider:
- Making you question whether your symptoms actually exist, especially when it comes to symptoms like fatigue and chronic pain that canโt be seen physically
- Downplaying your mental health challenges as being stress-related and not clinical
- Telling you youโre fine when you know something is wrong
- Being made to feel that your perception of your body is distorted by underlying mental health conditions
Phrases Associated With Gaslighting
Regardless of the context, certain phrases commonly associated with gaslighting can help you identify these behaviors. These phrases include:
- โYouโre wrong โ you never remember things correctly.โ
- โYouโre imagining things.โ
- โYouโre going to get angry over something like that?โ
- โI donโt know what youโre talking about.โ
- โI was just joking!โ
- โThere you go again.โ
- โYouโre just being paranoid.โ
- โYouโre overreacting.โ
- โItโs not that big of a deal.โ
- โWhy do you always have to be so dramatic?โ
Something to note about these phrases is that they are defensive reactions and place blame on the victim, which are tell-tale signs of gaslighting.
How Does Gaslighting Affect Your Mental Health?
Gaslighting can make you uncertain about your relationships, the way you handle your emotions and your self-identity. All of these things can be harmful to your mental health and lead to:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Low self-esteem
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Hypervigilance
- Confusion
If you think youโre being gaslit and are experiencing some of these warning signs, reach out to a mental health professional or someone you trust to find the support you need.
Ways to Handle Gaslighting
Being gaslit is entirely unfair, and itโs never something you should try to walk through alone. If you suspect you may be a victim of gaslighting, here are some things you can do.
Get Feedback From Others
Gaslighting will make you feel like youโre crazy or in the wrong. When you let other people in on the situation and share your point of view in a mindful and considerate way, you may find relief in the affirmation that youโre not making it up.
Confiding in people you trust about your concerns enables them to help back up your reality and recognize any mistreatment. This also makes it easier to see that any abuse is not a result of personal faults.
Remember: Those who gaslight others often make them feel that no one will believe them. If you have this fear, start with one or two people who know you best to help you gain confidence.
Start a Journal
If you find yourself questioning your version of reality, start writing down the events and conversations. Then, youโll have a record of what actually happened if youโre made to question it.
Keeping a journal can also help you identify patterns and phrases that are being used. This can help you rationalize the way youโre being treated as abuse.
Seek Mental Health Support
Consider starting talk therapy with a licensed professional so you can talk through your version of events and emotions in confidentiality and without judgment. Therapists are trained to recognize psychological manipulation and can help you identify whether you may be a victim of gaslighting.
Mental Health Support in Los Angeles
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