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Beyond Manipulation: Shedding Light on Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that hinges on creating self-doubt. When someone is being gaslit, they are made to think that their beliefs and perception of reality are untrue. Those who are being gaslit feel like what theyโ€™re experiencing isnโ€™t real or valid, which can impact their self-esteem and self-confidence. Victims of gaslighting are often manipulated into going against their reasoning and emotions and may become dependent on the person who is doing the gaslighting.

The term gaslighting has been a buzzword over the last few years due to a spotlight on social issues like โ€œfake newsโ€ and widespread misinformation. In 2022, gaslighting was dubbed Merriam Websterโ€™s โ€œword of the yearโ€ after searches on its website spiked by 1,740%.

But what exactly is gaslighting, and how does it relate to mental health? This article covers signs of gaslighting, common gaslighting examples, and ways to deal with mistreatment.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that hinges on creating self-doubt. When someone is being gaslit, they are made to think that their beliefs and perception of reality are untrue.

Those who are being gaslit feel like what theyโ€™re experiencing isnโ€™t real or valid, which can impact their self-esteem and self-confidence. Victims of gaslighting are often manipulated into going against their reasoning and emotions and may become dependent on the person who is doing the gaslighting.

Signs of Gaslighting

If you feel like your emotions and experiences are being undermined, you may be a victim of gaslighting. Someone who is gaslighting might:

  • Try to convince you that you said or did something you know you didnโ€™t do
  • Insist that youโ€™re crazy or irrational when you share your concerns
  • Twist your words to redirect blame
  • Tell you that youโ€™re exaggerating
  • Make you feel at fault for sharing the facts
  • Leave you feeling confused and powerless after a conversation

If youโ€™re being gaslit, you may feel a constant urge to apologize, feel nervous or anxious, or question your identity.

Gaslighting Examples

While the concept of gaslighting is consistent across relationships, it may look different in various contexts. Here are a few examples of gaslighting in different environments.

At Work

Gaslighting at work may look like:

  • A boss calling you overly sensitive for reporting inappropriate remarks by a coworker
  • A colleague taking over your responsibilities or projects under the excuse that their job is to help you
  • Being accused of making a mistake you didnโ€™t make
  • Turning in an assignment on time only for your manager to accuse you of never sending it
  • A leader who sets clear rules about tardiness but then shows up late every day

In Romantic Relationships

Gaslighting in a romantic relationship, such as a marriage or domestic partnership, may look like:

  • Your partner refusing to listen or pretending they donโ€™t understand you
  • Having your thoughts or memories questioned
  • Your partner minimizing your feelings
  • Denial that certain situations or conversations took place

At the Doctorโ€™s Office

Gaslighting isnโ€™t restricted to our personal relationships or people we know well. It can also come from situations with a perceived division of power, such as between a patient and a medical professional.

Gaslighting at the doctorโ€™s office may look like your provider:

  • Making you question whether your symptoms actually exist, especially when it comes to symptoms like fatigue and chronic pain that canโ€™t be seen physically
  • Downplaying your mental health challenges as being stress-related and not clinical
  • Telling you youโ€™re fine when you know something is wrong
  • Being made to feel that your perception of your body is distorted by underlying mental health conditions

Phrases Associated With Gaslighting

Regardless of the context, certain phrases commonly associated with gaslighting can help you identify these behaviors. These phrases include:

  • โ€œYouโ€™re wrong โ€“ you never remember things correctly.โ€
  • โ€œYouโ€™re imagining things.โ€
  • โ€œYouโ€™re going to get angry over something like that?โ€
  • โ€œI donโ€™t know what youโ€™re talking about.โ€
  • โ€œI was just joking!โ€
  • โ€œThere you go again.โ€
  • โ€œYouโ€™re just being paranoid.โ€
  • โ€œYouโ€™re overreacting.โ€
  • โ€œItโ€™s not that big of a deal.โ€
  • โ€œWhy do you always have to be so dramatic?โ€

Something to note about these phrases is that they are defensive reactions and place blame on the victim, which are tell-tale signs of gaslighting.

How Does Gaslighting Affect Your Mental Health?

Gaslighting can make you uncertain about your relationships, the way you handle your emotions and your self-identity. All of these things can be harmful to your mental health and lead to:

If you think youโ€™re being gaslit and are experiencing some of these warning signs, reach out to a mental health professional or someone you trust to find the support you need.

Ways to Handle Gaslighting

Being gaslit is entirely unfair, and itโ€™s never something you should try to walk through alone. If you suspect you may be a victim of gaslighting, here are some things you can do.

Get Feedback From Others

Gaslighting will make you feel like youโ€™re crazy or in the wrong. When you let other people in on the situation and share your point of view in a mindful and considerate way, you may find relief in the affirmation that youโ€™re not making it up. 

Confiding in people you trust about your concerns enables them to help back up your reality and recognize any mistreatment. This also makes it easier to see that any abuse is not a result of personal faults.

Remember: Those who gaslight others often make them feel that no one will believe them. If you have this fear, start with one or two people who know you best to help you gain confidence. 

Start a Journal

If you find yourself questioning your version of reality, start writing down the events and conversations. Then, youโ€™ll have a record of what actually happened if youโ€™re made to question it.

Keeping a journal can also help you identify patterns and phrases that are being used. This can help you rationalize the way youโ€™re being treated as abuse.

Seek Mental Health Support

Consider starting talk therapy with a licensed professional so you can talk through your version of events and emotions in confidentiality and without judgment. Therapists are trained to recognize psychological manipulation and can help you identify whether you may be a victim of gaslighting.

Mental Health Support in Los Angeles

Purposes Recovery is a treatment facility that offers inpatient mental health programs and luxury rehab in Los Angeles.ย 

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